Letter To Vaikunta



My Dearest Grandma,

Words can’t describe how much you are missed here. If heaven wasn’t so far away I would be up there in an instant. No matter what you will always be in our hearts. I knew I would think about you, but not being able to physically hold you or give you a kiss was driving me crazy. It’s so hard to be at our home when you’re not there. 

Since the time I could walk, talk and remember, you were with me. You looked after me, fed me, defended me, and played with me. You told me Ramayana and Scenes from Krishna’s life as bed time stories so that I would go to sleep. You cooked me a delicious meal every day. You helped me always. You were with me for whole of life and suddenly you had to leave forever.  

Not a single day passes without me thinking of you. Yesterday was your birthday and I could not sleep. 

I want you to know that I think of you every day. I want you to know that I miss you more than anything, and I would give anything to talk to you one last time. You were the boldest person I knew. I look at old pictures and videos I have saved of our memories. I know you are happy. Although it is cliché, I know you are in a better place, in Vaikunta, with your Rama

This year has been so hard for me, and so much has happened, but I know you have guided me in the right direction. Somehow, you still influence my life, even if you aren't here. I can't even count the amount of times I needed to talk to you, to call you, because you were the only person I knew would understand my problems or situations I was going through

I was lucky enough to not experience the death of a loved one until you left my life, but losing someone as precious and perfect as you was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. I can’t say it has been easy learning to live without you. I know that God called you to his regime for a reason. He saw your suffer; he understood that your karma, the purpose for which you came to earth was over and thus he called you back to give you something better. In spite of knowing that you had suffered to a greater extent and that it is good for you to leave to the adobe of Narayana, somehow, my mind was not ready to accept. It’s been 6 and a half months. I think about you most days in some way or the other. I couldn’t talk about you without crying at first. That’s gotten better. I don’t miss you less, but I can function more easily. You were one of my very best friends, despite the 55+ years between our ages. Heading into the future, I can say I have started to make real progress. I can talk about your death now. I can look people in the eye and tell them how you died. And now I finally feel like I can be honest with you. Okay, not with you per se, but I can be honest with myself about you. 

My dear Avva ! On your birthday, I wish you salvation. I wish you are not born again. I wish you get freed from this birth-death vicious cycle and be with the Sri Rama in Vaikunta happily forever.

With Love,
Yeshwanth

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