Letter To Vaikunta
My Dearest Grandma,
Words can’t describe how much you are missed
here. If heaven wasn’t so far away I would be up there in an instant. No matter
what you will always be in our hearts. I knew I would think about you, but not
being able to physically hold you or give you a kiss was driving me crazy. It’s
so hard to be at our home when you’re not there.
Since the time I could walk, talk and remember, you
were with me. You looked after me, fed me, defended me, and played with me. You
told me Ramayana and Scenes from Krishna’s life as bed time stories so that I would
go to sleep. You cooked me a delicious meal every day. You helped me always.
You were with me for whole of life and suddenly you had to leave forever.
Not a single day passes without me thinking of
you. Yesterday was your birthday and I could not sleep.
I want you to know that I think of you every day.
I want you to know that I miss you more than anything, and I would give
anything to talk to you one last time. You were the boldest person I knew. I
look at old pictures and videos I have saved of our memories. I know you are
happy. Although it is cliché, I know you are in a better place, in Vaikunta,
with your Rama
This year has been so hard for me, and so much
has happened, but I know you have guided me in the right direction. Somehow,
you still influence my life, even if you aren't here. I can't even count the
amount of times I needed to talk to you, to call you, because you were the only
person I knew would understand my problems or situations I was going through
I was lucky enough to not experience the death of
a loved one until you left my life, but losing someone as precious and perfect
as you was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. I can’t say it has been
easy learning to live without you. I know that God called you to his regime for
a reason. He saw your suffer; he understood that your karma, the purpose for
which you came to earth was over and thus he called you back to give you
something better. In spite of knowing that you had suffered to a greater extent
and that it is good for you to leave to the adobe of Narayana, somehow, my mind
was not ready to accept. It’s been 6 and a half months. I think about you most
days in some way or the other. I couldn’t talk about you without crying at first. That’s
gotten better. I don’t miss you less, but I can function more easily. You were
one of my very best friends, despite the 55+ years between our ages. Heading into the future, I can say I have started
to make real progress. I can talk about your death now. I can look people in
the eye and tell them how you died. And now I finally feel like I can be honest
with you. Okay, not with you per se, but I can be honest with myself about you.
My dear Avva ! On your birthday, I wish you
salvation. I wish you are not born again. I wish you get freed from this birth-death
vicious cycle and be with the Sri Rama in Vaikunta happily forever.
With Love,
Yeshwanth
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